Honest Adulthood: cause transparency is healing

This isn’t Rara Tou Limen, Ashade Bon Manbo, the artistic director, the dancer, the dance instructor, the performer, or the community servant writing. This is Portsha Terae Jefferson, the woman (not Super Woman) behind them all, who struggles with emotions, fears and insecurities, who is also learning, loving, growing, striving and evolving daily.
 
2016 was hard for me. Change is inevitable, but I still have a hard time accepting it when it presents itself in my life. I get attached to things, ways and people. Adjusting through both heartbreak and disappointment took me on an emotional roller coaster: shock, denial, isolation, sadness, guilt, anger, fear and depression. Dance has ALWAYS been my savior, but in my fragile state, my emotions were so raw, my body shut down. Completely. Grief is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It takes an enormous amount of work to push through it. I was forced out of my comfort zone to become totally vulnerable and transparent with self and my community. I shed layers and finally came face-to-face with past internal turmoil. You know what’s harder? Staying in the same place, or going backwards. During this difficult but necessary process, I often thought of Yansa, the Winds of Change, and how she moves within our consciousness to grow and expand. The Spirit of the Wind brought on unexpected changes that gave me a greater sense of humility than ever before.

Why Cuba? It was necessary. I had to embrace change and shed my old skin. I trusted the timing of my life and seized the opportunity. The trip was essential in my healing process + the perfect holiday alternative and setting to close the door to the past and re-discover SELF. The fourteen day journey in Cuba was hard, challenging, lonely, frustrating, amazing, spiritual, black, eye-opening, rewarding, enriching, inspiring, beautiful, and LIFE CHANGING. Away from the U.S., in a totally different environment, void of distractions, I was able to put many things into perspective.

One thing is crystal clear:

As a healer and community servant, I'm devoting this year to healing and serving myself.

Self-care and gratitude is my theme for 2017. I'm approaching a milestone birthday - after 40, you kinda loose track, and I did! So... more massages, pedicures, hot tub dates at Piedmont Springs, naps, patience, tenderness, therapy sessions, affirmations, long walks, visits to the beach, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with walnuts, buttered pecan ice cream, lunch, movie and concert dates, travel, AND going to bed at a decent hour.
(I'm REALLY going to make an attempt with that one!).

I’m currently in a place of peace and acceptance. It feels great! I’m trusting this journey and ready to embrace what’s in store. Still dancing, teaching, and creating…AND getting paid for it! I’m healthy, got a roof over my head, and surrounded by LOVE. Blessed and grateful for it all.
#HonestAdulthood #WritingTherapy #Open #LifeLesson #Transparency #Change #WindsofChange #OmoOya

   I'm gonna get heat for this. Never one to back down or stay silent regarding issues that matter...

Self proclaimed Internet Manbo's and Houngan's (priests in Haitian Vodou) are rampant on FB. It's sickening and I'm appalled. They are ready, available and anxiously awaiting to take advantage of folks who are vulnerable and searching for spiritual enlightenment and guidance.

Manbo's and Houngan's who are initiated (in Haiti) take an oath to serve their spirits, their community, and individuals who seek their counsel. A true BON MANBO or BON HOUNGAN will adhere to this duty and walk their spiritual path accordingly. Vodou is not about what you "think" it is. It's a complex system of rules, rites, rituals, prayers, gestures, langaj, and secrets that will never be readily accessible in a book. You are not authorized to change, fuse, or omit tradition because it's cute and fashionable to suite your needs. Haitian Vodou is not merging Freda and Oshun, Manman Brijit and Oya, or La Sirene and Yemaya together, because their energy is "similar" - It is not. Respect the fact that spirits have specific energy. What works for one spiritual tradition, doesn't apply to all. Understand and get to know this word: Regleman - rules. These rules are guidelines on how to appropriately serve Lwa. Regleman is also carried out for initiating an individual into priesthood, who will then receive proper training. News flash: You are not an expert because of an initiation. Although your level of consciousness will be heightened, you are still learning, growing and developing as a spiritualist. It is a life time of study and dedication. Self proclaimed Manbo's and Houngan's, if you have not passed through the Djevo, or sadly don't know what a Djevo is when questioned, you are faking the funk. If you have not gone before Papa Loko to receive the Asson, to communicate with Lwa, you are a fraud. If you are asked publicly "What is the Priye Ginen" a beautiful collection of prayers and songs, that are essential to a Vodou ceremony, and can't give an appropriate response, but claiming priestly duties, well... If you are out here charging folks for spiritual readings and giving inaccurate information and calling upon Met Kafou and other powerful Petwo spirits that can potentially cause harm if not appropriated correctly... You are doing a disservice to yourself and to others. I'm trying to keep you safe. Oh! And you wanna trace Veve's too, without having it activated?! Just. Stop. It. NOW! All of it.

If someone says they can "look" at you and tell by your mannerism who owns your head. Run. Fast. If someone says they can give you a reading to find out which Lwa (spirit) walks with you, please make sure that person is INITIATED into Haitian Vodou, with experience reading folks. There is a distinct difference between knowing your Met Tet (Master of the Head) and knowing your spiritual Esko, which will be MORE THAN ONE LWA, hence the term Escort. Your Met Tet can ONLY be revealed through various forms of initiation or divination. Period. We all love Metres Ezili Freda Dahomey. Who wouldn't? She is power, love and luxury. Womanhood personified... But...does she walk with you? Or is it her sister? The Ogou family is mighty, powerful and very vast! The energy is fiery and attractive. But WHICH Ogou walks with you? Feray, Badagri, Balindjo, Ashade, Sen Jak, Batala, Shango? They all manifest differently and are served to cater that particular spirits needs. It may seem trivial, but it is important to know WHO you are serving before you go out and buy that expensive pink lace for Freda or that dagger for Danto. Vodou is not a game! Before you start constructing altars in the name of Vodou spirits because you "feel" their energy and are attracted to the bells and whistles, get a reading by a reputable priest.

I'm passionate about this subject. My adventures in Vodou has had its trials. The journey towards spiritual enlightenment is never an easy road. I've trusted individuals, whom I'm thought had my best interest. I've trusted Manbo's for guidance. I've trusted a Manbo to do a service, which only lead to a disservice to my pockets, but fattened hers, which in turn, affected my finances, my relationship, my mental state...MY LIFE! Trust wavered, faith was tested, and unforeseen challenges occurred. My own traumatic situation forced me to go deep within the depths that I didn't know existed. I'm grateful for the lessons. Those hard truths. Grateful that I finally realized SPIRIT was, and has always been within ME.

Black folks are reclaiming our spiritual traditions, and I'm loving it. I'm thrilled to see folks embrace Vodou and give it the proper respect that it deserves. I am grounded because of Vodou. It has brought a substantial amount of peace, clarity, healing and purpose to my life. My suggestion to anyone on this spiritual path: connect with your ancestors first. Everyone, initiated or not, can connect with their ancestors. Develop a relationship with them and they will guide you. Listen. Meditate. Sing for them. Feed them. Pour libations. Play music. Dance. Dream. Journal. Sometimes, the messages will be right in front of you. If you choose to take your journey a step further and decide to seek guidance from a Vodou priest, take your time. Ask plenty of questions, inquire about their lineage, attend ceremonies that they are hosting, speak with members of the temple or Sosyete. Most importantly, trust your instincts.

One year and five months later...Reflections: AYITI CHERIE: A Black Woman's Journey (2003-2015) is now published on RTL's website!


http://www.raratoulimen.com/reflections-ayiti-cherie.html


Reflections is a project that I decided to take on to document my travels to Haiti. It is a deep, personal journey in sacrifice, commitment and self discovery. This project has forced me to sit still on occasion and reflect on my humble beginning as a 5 year old ballerina to the 40+ dancer I am today.
I'm a private person. Many of you do not know me outside of the dance studio. At this point in my life, I don't have anything to loose. I'm learning that it's okay to be open and vulnerable. I'm sharing my journey with the world, and as scary as that may be, I feel good about it! My hope is that it will inspire young dancers who are thirsty and hungry about this dance life, to be fearless, and GO and get fed. My hope is that folks will SEE Haiti. In all of her glory and continue to salute the first free Black Republic in the world.
Please feel free to share the work. I would love to hear feedback, thoughts, suggestions and even critiques.

Use it as a resource, a source of inspiration to create the life you want. I am blessed to live a life that I have created. On my own terms. My journey is far from over. I'm excited and ready for the next chapter. AYIBOBO!
#reflections #ayiticherie #dancejourney #selfreflection #growth #spiritualjourney #dedication #ABlackWomensJourney #wideopen #NoTurningBack

Remember I mentioned I'm chronicling my travels to Haiti, 2003-2015? Well, I'm ALMOST done! A year and five months later... Whew! I won't front. It's been a tedious process. Scanning old photos and revisiting journal entries, has kept me an emotional wreck, there aren't enough hours in the day, my computer has a mind of its own, and I've waited until the very end to transfer video footage from those mini DV tapes, onto a hard drive, with a rented camera, cause the camera that was used to record the footage is busted, and on its last leg. I knew it wouldn't be easy.
Aside from the woes, looking at these old videotapes, along with the most recent clips, has put the project into perspective. I get it. This footage wasn't meant to just stay in a box. I came across some material from my first visit to Lakou Souvenance in 2007. Hadn't seen this footage in YEARS. This was a time before the Cultural Exchange Trips were a thought. A time where I was hungry (still) for the knowledge and excited about what Haiti would teach me on that particular trip. I'm happy to share it with you, and with my folks from the Bay who've experienced the beauty and magic of Lakou Souvenance.
This video highlights several days at Lakou Souvenance with Societe La Belle Etoile. Souvenance is one of three Lakou's, (Badjo, Soukri) located in Gonaives, Haiti. This particular Lakou pays homage to the Spirits of Dahomey.
Video Credit: Daniel Brav Brevil | April 2007
This video is part of an upcoming project: Reflections: AYITI CHERIE - A Black Women's Journey (2003-2015)