"In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end, she just simply changed directions and kept going” ~ r.m. drake
Honest Adulthood: cause transparency is healing
This isn’t Rara Tou Limen, Ashade Bon Manbo, the artistic director, the dancer, the dance instructor, the performer, or the community servant writing. This is Portsha Terae Jefferson, the woman (not Super Woman) behind them all, who struggles with emotions, fears and insecurities, who is also learning, loving, growing, striving and evolving daily.
2016 was hard for me. Change is inevitable, but I still have a hard time accepting it when it presents itself in my life. I get attached to things, ways and people. Adjusting through both heartbreak and disappointment took me on an emotional roller coaster: shock, denial, isolation, sadness, guilt, anger, fear and depression. Dance has ALWAYS been my savior, but in my fragile state, my emotions were so raw, my body shut down. Completely. Grief is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It takes an enormous amount of work to push through it. I was forced out of my comfort zone to become totally vulnerable and transparent with self and my community. I shed layers and finally came face-to-face with past internal turmoil. You know what’s harder? Staying in the same place, or going backwards. During this difficult but necessary process, I often thought of Yansa, the Winds of Change, and how she moves within our consciousness to grow and expand. The Spirit of the Wind brought on unexpected changes that gave me a greater sense of humility than ever before.
Why Cuba? It was necessary. I had to embrace change and shed my old skin. I trusted the timing of my life and seized the opportunity. The trip was essential in my healing process + the perfect holiday alternative and setting to close the door to the past and re-discover SELF. The fourteen day journey in Cuba was hard, challenging, lonely, frustrating, amazing, spiritual, black, eye-opening, rewarding, enriching, inspiring, beautiful, and LIFE CHANGING. Away from the U.S., in a totally different environment, void of distractions, I was able to put many things into perspective.
One thing is crystal clear:
As a healer and community servant, I'm devoting this year to healing and serving myself.
Self-care and gratitude is my theme for 2017. I'm approaching a milestone birthday - after 40, you kinda loose track, and I did! So... more massages, pedicures, hot tub dates at Piedmont Springs, naps, patience, tenderness, therapy sessions, affirmations, long walks, visits to the beach, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with walnuts, buttered pecan ice cream, lunch, movie and concert dates, travel, AND going to bed at a decent hour.
(I'm REALLY going to make an attempt with that one!).
I’m currently in a place of peace and acceptance. It feels great! I’m trusting this journey and ready to embrace what’s in store. Still dancing, teaching, and creating…AND getting paid for it! I’m healthy, got a roof over my head, and surrounded by LOVE. Blessed and grateful for it all.
#HonestAdulthood #WritingTherapy #Open #LifeLesson #Transparency #Change #WindsofChange #OmoOya